I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
