I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
