I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
