Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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