It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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