I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
