Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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