yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
