I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
