Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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