They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
