Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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