My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
