Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
