If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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