theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
