matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
