why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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