Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
