Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
