Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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