dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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