we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
