the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
