Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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