: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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