I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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