Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had to cum in my sink.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
