Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize