i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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