dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
