idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
