I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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