Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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