You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize