That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize