Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
