youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
