just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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