I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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