Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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