I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
