and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
