he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
