when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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