someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize