Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
