Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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