yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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