You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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