Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
