My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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