I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
