I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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