She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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