...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
