I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
