some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
