We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
