dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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