did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize