well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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