It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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