My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's shark week go big or go home
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
