I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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