I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
