fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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